It's so hard to say goodbye

I have not been energetic enough or happy enough to be blogging, but am doing a little better today.

I was debating with myself whether or not to blog about this, but thought it might be a bit therapeutic. I wish not to discuss it further than what I type here, so please refrain from questions. Nice comments are always welcome, but please no questions. It's too hard.

Those of you that know me know just how much I am an animal lover and I love my dear pets, as crazy as they are sometimes, with all of my heart. They are very precious to me & truly do enrich my life in many ways.

Marci, the torbi kitten, was the newest addition to our family and have only had her a short time. She turned 11 months this month. Unfortunately, she got VERY sick this past week, of which details I will not go into & after one trip to the ER vet and another trip to her regular vet, we had to make the very difficult and devastating decision yesterday to put her down. That was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make in my entire life. AND I was so completely torn up & such an emotional wreck (and still somewhat am), I had to have Hubby go sign the papers at the vet for me. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And yes, I feel horrible that he was the one who had to be strong, but he is much stronger than I am when it comes to those things. Yesterday just plain SUCKED. It was awful. I cried off and on all day. It was one of THE worst days of my life. Today, I am still very sad & grieving over the loss of my beloved, cute, precious, little Marci. I loved her so much & have to fight back tears (I am as I type this) ever time something makes me think of her. She was such a sweet, sweet kitty.

Those of you that are not animals lovers, probably don't understand what I am feeling. But to me, it feels like I lost a family member & a friend. Though, I only had her since this summer, it was long enough that I loved her so much & became very bonded with her. I am very torn up about it & will be for a long time. I have lost pets in the past, but I have never had to put one down myself before & it sucks. It is so hard. But, I know it was the best thing for her. We couldn't see her suffer or deteriorate anymore. But it is still so hard.

Someday I am sure I will get another little female kitty, but it will be A LONG time before I am ready for that again. I feel like it just wouldn't be fair to Marci because she cannot be replaced. And emotionally (and time-wise), I can't handle getting another one for a long time.

It was a tough week as it was starting a new, stressful job & then to end on such a devasting note, just ruined it. But it is a new week & life goes on & every day will be a little easier and a little better.

Life goes on & I am thankful to have such a loving supportive husband & my pets & my parents who helped me get through it this weekend.